Leaving San Luis Obispo

I feel things deeply. I try to embrace the emotion of life because without it- the emotion- events pass without being fully experienced. So, though I am good at change, and my soul needs change, I am unable to let it happen without nostalgia and tears.

There was the time my family dropped me off at college. We unloaded my things, had lunch and laughed relaxedly, but all the while I felt the gravity of the situation. I was on my own. I was excited, I was scared, I didn't know what to do about all of the cute boys everywhere, and I was irrationally afraid of being unable to make friends and having to eat dinner alone. When it was time for my family to leave I said goodbye and gave long hugs. The minute they walked out of my dorm room I turned, laid down on my new bed, and cried with my head in my pillow. I heard a knock on the door, and hurriedly I wiped the tears away. It was my dad, returning to hand me a stuffed animal I had forgotten. I smiled and pretended I was fine, but it seemed he knew I'd been crying. I remember the look on his face, and my longing to follow him down the stairs and into the car. Though I was beyond excited for college and the new experiences it would bring, a part of me needed to mourn the life that had passed.

I have been here for 6 years, a quarter of my life, and many of my most meaningful experiences are connected to San Luis Obispo. It was here that I made life-long friends, realized my gifts and interests, held my first job, met my husband and was married in the sand. And though I am looking toward the future with big, happy eyes, I cannot leave this place without feeling sad about what I am leaving behind. So when people ask, "How are you feeling? Are you excited or are you sad?" The answer is, "Yes." And I am about due for a good, long cry.