Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A vulgar story about tea


In college, I was at a girls Bible study at a friend's house. Anna boiled water for tea, on the stove top because there was no kettle. The water was at a rolling boil when she poured it into mugs. Rolling boil. I happened to be in the middle of a story, so I put my mug between my knees and continued. Whatever I was saying was pretty exciting, because I used large hand motions and a bit of the water splashed onto my knee. 

This is where things get vulgar. I hope you're not offended by use of the word "crotch." 

My knee reacted in pain, and the entire mug of boiling water poured directly onto my crotch. Directly. I was wearing fleece pants, which capture heat and hold it there for eternity. I stood up yelling, panicked, frozen. Janne ripped off my pants and I ran to the bathroom and began to cry. I didn't come out for a long while. I sat in the bathtub, crying by myself, trying to cool and soothe my burn. That night David and I slept on couches in the living room of my house. He brought me ice packs, and I slept with them between my legs. 

As I sipped tea in class today, I thought about how hot it was and how terrible it would be if someone bumped my arm and it spilled all over my crotch in the middle of class. Very, very terrible. 

2 comments:

Soul Sister said...

You should sue someone over this! I suggest either the manufacturer of the mug or the person who invented tea in the first place.

Crystal said...

So I would just like to extend your story to yet another "Lindsay spilling hot tea on her crotch" story...

The time: 2004
The place: London, England
The hostel: The Generator

http://www.generatorhostels.com/en/london

We sit down to have our last breakfast in our first stop of our first European adventure. Taking advantage our our hostels breakfast we get what we can. Cereal, bread, cheese...and hot tea. Well being the smart and prepared backpackers we were, we bought quick dry pants that also rolled up into capris but that's neither here nor there. We sit down to eat and somehow you managae to knock your cup of tea, hot tea, into your lap. You jump up and begin wiping it off. This is when the quick dry comes in handy. See we have already checked out. There is no changing outfits now! You just crammed everything perfectly in place and opening it would just be wrong! So we sit there and you continue wiping your pants until the amazing fabric dries and you no longer look like you wet yourself at breakfast. Thank god for those pants because while I am a really really good friend I definitely would've walked at least 10 feet behind you wearing a backpack with piss stains in your pants. Love you Linds even if you do have a way with tea that makes look like peepants...